Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
