I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize