"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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