I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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