so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Mom said you looked used
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
