I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
