I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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