I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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