We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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