Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
