all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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