My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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