yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
