you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it glows. i had to have it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
