He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
