guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
