So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
