I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
