my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
