Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
