I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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