i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize