what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
