i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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