We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize