sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
