I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
