Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize