I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
