I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
