I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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