are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
