We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
