Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
