worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she told me i tasted like america
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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