Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
