Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
