is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize