Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Your dad touched me again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
