Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
