And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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