It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
