She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize