OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
