I think my fart just growled at me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
