i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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