Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
false alarm, still single
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