It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
wow bdsm is so cute
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
