What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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