When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
