I will die if light touches me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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