no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
