fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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