he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
