Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
