Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
