i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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