I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
