new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
