i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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