Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
