I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
