She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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