i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
