i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
