We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
