My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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