so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
