my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
